What's on your tombstone?

(This is my answer to a question on Quora. Well, I answered my own question, but the question is, "What do you want your tombstone to say?")

First, I want to be cremated and have my ashes strewn from a plane over a lake near where I grew up. Burial? No, I'm too acerbic to be good for the soil. (That's a joke.)

Next, as part of my will, a large drunken costume party is to be held. We all assume roles in this life and dress accordingly. Businessmen often wear suits; postal workers have a uniform (costume, come on) and so on. Each person's costume should be what they wanted to be as a small child – astronaut, etc. – or that of their most favorite, absurd character (eg. Beaker, Strong Bad, etc.)

I want no speeches because most of the ones at wakes are insincere and people are trying to out-do each other - who can be the most lugubrious or flowery? Instead, I want each person to tell a joke, a dirty limerick, anything funny. Funerals need not be sad. Hell, I made it out of here and had a great life, why not celebrate? If you have to out-do someone, be funny. It's easy to say sad crap, but delivering a joke really well, that's tougher.

Third, fireworks preceeded by a conga line to the display. Why fireworks? A. In the continuum of time, we last an even shorter time than they - a nice reminder of life's brevity; B. It's about the only way I'll go out with a bang; C. I like fireworks, and most importantly; D. They make you look up and that's where most people look when they're happy. I don't want people with their heads down feeling sad.

Watch the obits folks. It'll be fun. Don't miss it. (Not that I'm going soon ... that I know of.)